Images of the Past
by Frzn Mmnt
Summary: Prequel to the “Precious Things” Story Arc. Personal rewriting of Episode 39 "The Birth of Queen Relena". Quatre's belief in his friend triggers Trowa's memories.


**Disclaimer: All Gundam Wing Characters and references and some Story elements belong to their respective owners. Remaining story elements and original characters © Kathryn Summers. No money was gained in the writing of this story.**

Dedicated to CD Lewis McCoy who got me wondering about all this Gundam stuff in the first place.

_Images of the Past_

_Prequel to "Precious Things"_

The Resource Satellite always bustled with activity, but Quatre Raberba Winner hadn't gotten used to being around his family quite so much. As a Gundam Pilot, he preferred the company of the soldiers and other allies whom he had met over the last year. His father's death changed all that, and as the only son of thirty children, he had a duty to return and take up his post. Though for all intents and purposes, latest news reported him still missing, as nobody had seen him since the incident that resulted in his brief jaunt back to Earth with Heero Yuy.  
Night had fallen, or as close as you could get to night out in space on a Resource Satellite. But Quatre only wanted the dark, so he shut down all the lights as well. He figured eventually someone from his family would come fetch him for the proverbial family dinner with his sisters and their families, another one of those rituals that he couldn't be bothered with.   
Recently, he began to treasure his solitude for a deep pain burned in his heart and he sought the answers to his questions in being alone and yet no answers came to him. His piano sat motionless in the corner of the room, playing only when the pain got too much for him. He found the music, although very somber, to be a deadening agent and lost himself to it quite often, almost too often.  
Quatre pulled up a chair next to the window that covered one entire wall of his room. Space pulsed with emptiness on this quiet, peaceful evening, the only motion and light coming from the distant stars. On most nights, he preferred watching the passing military, service, and transport vessels that frequented the satellite, but tonight, he felt inclined just to sit and stare into the darkness.  
He leaned back and brushed the locks of blonde hair from his face. At the age of fifteen, he looked much younger, not very tall at 5'2" and sporting deep blue eyes. He still had his boyish features from his childhood. His sisters liked to joke that a baby inherited the family fortune. Quatre didn't mind, as many girls complimented his handsome looks though none looked at him when Heero was around.  
Quatre closed his eyes. A brief chill ran down his back. He didn't understand, the climate controls were functioning as normal and it certainly wasn't cold. He stopped himself, yes; he understood that something his heart wouldn't let him forget. The cold fear overtook him whenever he closed his eyes. The pain in his heart burned ever sharper when the events of his recent past haunted his mind. He knew his punishment and he accepted it. He would never be like that again and he would find the one he searched for. The answers would come and until they did, he would endure the pain, as much of a duty as being a Gundam Pilot.  
A soft hand knocked at the door, "Quatre, it's me, can I come in?"  
He opened his eyes and spun around in his chair, "Yes, come in."  
Light flooded the room briefly as his only younger sister, Ania, entered the room. She closed the door softly behind her, "Quatre, Bella came and asked me to come fetch you for dinner. But it seems you don't want to come."  
Quatre stood up and but did not turn towards her, "Tell Bella I have been detained and will take my meal alone in my room."  
Ania turned to go, but stopped before reaching the door, "Quatre, I'm worried about you, you've been so quiet and reserved ever since you came back. What's happened to you? You're not the same person you used to be."  
Quatre didn't say anything. He remembered what she spoke of when they had both been younger and nearly inseparable. They also looked alike. Ania, a year younger, had the same platinum blonde hair, hers down to her waist unlike his short-cropped locks, and the same clear blue eyes. They hadn't seen each other since Quatre had left to pursue his life with the Gundams and he regretted not keeping in contact with her. Their father used to joke that Quatre picked up Ania just days after her birth and never put her down.  
Quatre put his hand on the window and closed his eyes again, "It's not something that I find easy to talk about, Ania, and I wish you wouldn't ask me."  
Ania stood there for a moment and stared at him, remembering the Quatre with the beautiful smile and bright shining eyes that looked after her and kept her out of trouble. Now he never smiled and his shadowed eyes stayed dark. "Please, tell me what's wrong. You used to confide everything in me and I've always kept your secrets. I don't like seeing you this way. It breaks my heart. You've hardly said any words to me since you came back."  
Quatre's head fell forward and thumped against the window as his eyes filled with fresh tears, "Ania, Please!" He snapped, "I don't wish to talk about it!"  
Ania's hand flew to her mouth. He had never spoken to her this way. "Okay, Quatre" She said softly, "But I'm here if you need me." She turned to go.  
"Ania, wait!" Quatre turned to her, not hiding the tears shining on his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap."  
"I know" She whispered.  
He walked over to the piano and sat down. His fingers flitted lightly over the keys and he began to play a soft sad tune he learned in his youth, "I haven't spoken to anybody about it since it happened and I don't know if I want to now, but perhaps I should. Perhaps then the pain in my heart won't burn so much."  
Ania came over and sat beside him in the darkness of the room. She laid her head on his shoulder as he played his sad music. She noticed the tears dripping onto his hands but did not speak; instead she waited for him to.  
"Not too long ago, I fought in a battle. I started it though I can hardly remember what came over me and why. I suffered from the greatest rage against OZ and the people who waged war. I didn't want to live. I didn't want anybody to live. When they killed Dad, it sent me over the edge. They had to die too. So I rebuilt the Wing Zero, I found the plans; only it was too much for me. Zero's capabilities drives a pilot insane and I couldn't handle it. But I didn't understand that, so I proceeded to attack anything and everything that came into my path. I plotted my mission against all wars, all weapons, against the colonies. The colonies who the Gundams were created to protect were against us now and they had to be destroyed." Quatre took a breath, "Do you remember Trowa?"  
Ania smiled at her brother, "Of course, I do. I met him sometime ago before you decided to leave for good. I remember he played beautiful music. We became friends during his brief stay. I had other feelings for him, a childish crush, I suppose. He treated me with a great respect and kindness. What about him, Quatre?"  
Quatre stopped playing and rubbed the tears on his hands away, "I'll try to tell you what happened, but please remember this isn't easy for me to talk about" 

_~ Begin FlashBack ~_

Trowa Barton and Heero Yuy floated in their Gundam's waiting for the emergence of the newly rebuilt Gundam, Wing Zero. As Trowa understood it, Quatre was on their side, but why did he act so strange? Why did Quatre destroy the E-3 colony?  
Suddenly, the Gundam burst out of an opening in the side of the colony Trowa and Heero were supposed to be defending.  
Trowa hailed the Zero, "Quatre, go ahead and show me what your new Gundam can do."  
Wing Zero fired its guns and in moments destroyed all the mobile dolls that accompanied Mercurius and Vayeate on their mission to defend the colony. It appeared that Quatre wanted to show off his brilliant new machine, but nearly hit Trowa who reacted and backed off.  
"This is a new Gundam. Heero, there's no need to worry, this Gundam is superb." Trowa said to Heero before trying to contact the Arab pilot again. "Quatre, this is Trowa. Can you hear me, Quatre?"  
Quatre sat there motionless, listening. "I hear you. Don't come any closer, Trowa!"  
Trowa's hand gripped the controls and he moved his Gundam closer.  
"I said NO!" Quatre screamed and raised his guns, firing a heavy volley at Trowa. "Don't come any closer!"  
The gunfire hit and badly damaged the Vayeate. Quatre hadn't even flinched.  
Trowa shoved away the damaged controls and metal in the cockpit of his mobile suit, "Quatre, what is the meaning of this?"  
"Trowa, I'm going to destroy everything in this crazy space with this Gundam. Destroying all the weapons in space is what I have to do. Colonies are arming themselves, that's why I'm destroying the colonies, too." Quatre's voice shook with rage and sorrow as he spoke.  
Trowa moved, now fully realizing the extent of his injuries. He spoke again, his concern not for himself but for his friend. "What's wrong, Quatre, this is not like you. What's going on?"  
"I want you to tell everyone, don't let anyone come near me. Otherwise, I'll be forced to destroy you." Quatre spoke with a quiet voice yet it reeked of emotion, an unnamable emotion, deep, dark and fearsome.  
Heero moved the Mercurius into position. A light flashed on Quatre's screen and he reacted, pummeling the other Gundam with his weapons.  
Quatre screamed, "I Said DON'T come any closer!"  
The young pilot stayed calm as his Mercurius lashed out with his energy sword, "Is that all you have to say?"  
Heero, with his own mobile suit, stared down the Wing Zero; piloted by a person he used to call his friend, the friend who had become something that wasn't Quatre. "I believe in myself and I'll fight anyone who goes crazy around here. Quatre, I will kill you myself."   
Mercurius moved to the side, forcing off another round of shots from the Zero using its special energy shields. It was almost sad watching the two former friends fight the uncontrollable battle.  
"Quatre, the shields can't take anymore!"   
"Heero, why are WE fighting? The colony has aligned itself with OZ and had become our enemy. This colony is YOUR enemy too and Trowa's. Space has gone insane. So, I have to destroy everything in it. Right, Heero?"  
Heero charged, not listening to the pleas of the Arab boy, but Zero moved to quick for him and dodged the blow. Energy sword met energy sword in this endless battle.  
Emotion filled Quatre's heart and mind, rage and love and sorrow and everything he could imagine fighting away inside his body, "You will die, Heero. But I don't want to kill my friend, please get out of here."  
Zero wouldn't let Quatre stop, Zero forced him on. Zero told him that this was the right thing to do and he gave up trying to fight it. Heero and Trowa were against him, the colonies were against him, so Quatre powered up his weapons for one last attack. "Are you listening to me, Heero?"  
Only silence came from Heero. Trowa's damaged Vayeate moved in unnoticed by Quatre who still listened to Heero.  
Heero positioned himself in front of the colony and did not move. "Quatre, I'm not leaving. There is a colony behind me and I'm going to defend it or die trying."  
"It looks like you're not going to listen. So, I'll just have to kill you." Quatre shrugged and fired. The force of the blast shoved the Mercurius straight through the outer wall of the colony he defended. Heero shrugged off the pain of his new injuries and removed his helmet.  
Heero flipped the switch on his massive weapon for a final confrontation and pulled himself out of the hole in the wall, "If that's what you want, then do it. I don't have time to chat with the enemy."   
Quatre fired again and unleashed an attack to destroy the mobile suit that contained Heero. He would have to kill Heero even though he didn't want to.   
Then something happened. In a brief streak of a moment, Trowa's Vayeate appeared from nowhere. He had moved in between Heero and the gunfire of Wing Zero. The damaged Gundam now beyond repair, Trowa was going to die. Heero stopped and looked on in horror.  
"Quatre?" Trowa's weak voice trembled as he fought to gain control of his failing Mobile Suit.  
Wing Zero shuddered and backed off.  
"I think you're making a grave mistake. This fight isn't necessary."  
Quatre forgot for a moment, his mission, the battle, everything when he heard Trowa's voice. Quatre knew something had gone terribly wrong. What had he done? "Trowa?"  
Heero twisted around in the seat of his own damaged Gundam and stared in horror at the Vayeate sitting motionless in space, fire and smoke streaming from every opening. "TROWA! GET OUT OF HERE! VAYEATE IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"  
Knowing the true fate of the Gundam pilot, Trowa calmly replied, "That's right, I think it is."  
Vayeate flew off with the last of his power taking the damaged suit out of range of his friends. Quatre powered up his Gundam, intending to fly off and rescue the stranded pilot. But in that instant, Heero had the upper hand. The Mercurius flew up and grabbed Zero. Holding on tight, Heero flew them both into a nearby colony landing hangar.   
Quatre found himself unable to move, "Trowa? Stop it, Heero. Trowa is TROWA!"  
Trowa moved further and further out into space. Somebody had to do something or he would die. Quatre struggled against Heero's grip, but Heero held on tight and would not let him go. The doors of the colony began to close as Quatre screamed.  
Trowa spoke, as he floated away into space, "Quatre, Whatever happens, the truth is the colonies have sided themselves with OZ. And for all intents and purposes, it means our war is over. And that at this present time, our responsibilities have been terminated. We're the ones who fought for the colonies so what they have chosen to do is really disappointing. But this is war. We have to accept it. The outcome now depends on how other freedom fighters feel about this. It will depend on how WE feel. We have the potential to become the perfection of what warriors should be. It's because we fight with all our hearts, and truly believe we can change the world. It's not just you, Quatre, it's how all of us feel. I know you're under a lot of pressure. We have to give everything we have and try to figure out what it means. Yet, in the end everything we have fought for came to nothing. I have to accept this. We are now unnecessary soldiers. So, Quatre, accept this fact."  
Trowa's eyes filled with tears, "And please go back to being the kind-hearted Quatre we knew. I wish you could calm your heart somehow. Somehow, Quatre."  
Moments later the Gundam known as Vayeate, exploded. Quatre got Zero ready to go after Trowa, but Heero smashed him into the side of the wall, keeping him from leaving the hangar.  
"Trowa?!?" Quatre's voice broke. Emotions were fighting to take over his mind. He didn't know what to do, but he needed to save Trowa, "Heero, let go of me. Trowa will die!"  
Heero didn't move, "Yes, you killed him. You've gone mad. I'm going to kill you."  
The bay doors shut with a crash, "Well, then kill me, and save Trowa."  
The two Gundams faced each other one more time, this time in the close confines of the hangar bay. Zero damaged both Mercurius and Heero further.  
"QuatreI'm goingto kill you." But Heero found he could not do it. Perhaps Quatre could be saved after all, were his last thoughts has the blackness engulfed him and he passed out.  
"Heero? HEERO!?!" 

_~ End FlashBack ~_

"I saved Heero, but Trowa disappeared, probably dead. I do not know what happened to him but I want to go on looking until the day I die. If somebody would only tell me that he died, at least then maybe I could be at peace, but nobody knows." Quatre closed the lid of the piano that protected the keys. He bent his head and covered his face with his hands.  
"I'm sorry, Trowa" He sobbed, "Every time I close my eyes, I see you there and I can't help you. I'm so sorry. I just want to be able to tell you that."  
Ania put her arms around her brother and held him, finally understanding his pain and grief and knowing why he chose to hide away here in his rooms and play the melancholy music.  
"If only I were stronger, Trowa wouldn't have" Quatre lost the words again to his sobbing. His lean body shuddering with every breath.  
Ania didn't speak. She led him to his bed and he lay down in an emotionally exhausted heap. She stayed with him until he fell asleep, touching his hair, speaking soft words, as he had done when they were younger and she had been so ill for a time.  
Ania sighed and kissed his forehead and departed the room to go speak to Bella about relieving Quatre of some of his family duties. 

The Colony Circus always came alive with activity prior to a show. Nineteen-year-old Catherine Bloom, a star circus performer finished applying her make-up and helped her partner, who also happened to be her brother, with his. She brushed her brown curls out of her face and put the feather in her hair. She stood up and adjusted her leotard.  
The emotionless quiet young man beside her didn't move as Catherine combed his hair one last time before the show. They stared at each other in the mirror. This man, with the piercing green eyes and fifteen years old, happened to be a former Gundam pilot by the name of Trowa Barton, but Trowa did not know his identity, his memory lost in a fight some months before. He believed Catherine to be his sister and chose to stay with her and perform as a clown in the circus. Catherine knew that headaches plagued Trowa and that eventually his memory would return, but she would make sure he would never fight again.  
Roddy, the Circus Ring Master, entered the tent, "Hurry up! Show starts soon! Catherine, May I speak to you?"  
Catherine went over to the Ring Master.  
"We're leaving tomorrow after the last show."  
Startled, Catherine said, "Why? The people of this colony love us!"  
Roddy's face went dark, "A Gundam has appeared at a nearby colony."  
"A Gundam?" Catherine knew what that meant and shivered from cold fear.  
"Cathie?"  
She spun around to face Trowa who held the make-up basket "Whawhat is it, Trowa?"  
His blank expression did not change, "Where do I put this?"  
She pointed the bench where he had come from, "Oh that? Don't worry, I'll put it away later."  
"But?"  
You should listen to what your sister says, Trowa."  
Trowa turned away from them, defeated, "Okay."  
Roddy watched him walk away, "As long as he's with us, there's a possibility that we'll get involved. That's why we have to move on."  
Catherine closed her eyes, "You're right. I'm sorry he's lost his memory but it's better for him this way."  
She bid Roddy a farewell after he wished them good luck with the show and went back to Trowa. His complexion had gone pasty and he shivered in fear.  
He looked at her with questioning eyes, "Gundam? What is that? It feels familiar, but" Trowa clutched his head, "It's happening again. I I'm cold."  
Catherine knelt down beside him and took his hand, "Trowa, don't worry. I won't let you go back to the battlefield. I promise I'll protect you."  
But Catherine didn't feel that way inside. As she held Trowa, she knew that fear too. Scared of Gundams, scared of losing Trowa, scared. 

***** 

He didn't want to go, but she forced him. She always wanted to do things like this and would drag him along. At least it's a night's entertainment and gets you away, she always said. Fifteen year old Duo Maxwell sat back in his chair, idly watching while the circus performed. Next to him, Hilde Schbeiker, also fifteen, cheered and laughed at one act after another. She really enjoyed these silly shows, not that it surprised him, she always did.  
Hilde elbowed him in the ribs, "See? Isn't this fun."  
He gave her a sarcastic look. "You said it."  
She scowled at him and turned to see the Ring Master come out to announce the next performance, "Next is the performance with the lion, King of the Animals, and a young clown."  
The Lion roared and the crowd cheered! A curtain opened and a young man, his face half hidden by a mask, entered into the ring. The lion made ready to attack or so it seemed.  
Hilde shrieked! "Oh no! Watch out!"  
The clown jumped, landing gracefully onto the lions back supported only by one hand while the lion trotted around the ring. Switching positions, the clown sat down on the lion as though he rode a horse. Duo and Hilde got a good look at his face.  
"Excellent! I could fall for that clown!" Hilde sighed.  
"Sure whatever Huh?" Duo sat up in shock, his face contorting with recognition, "That's! He's! It's him! Trowa!"  
He stood up and dashed out the nearest exit, leaving Hilde in a cloud of dust and confusion. 

****** 

Back in the tent, Catherine sat at her dressing table, relaxing after her show. Trowa sat next to her, quiet and emotionless. "Great Job, Trowa!"  
Trowa did not change his expression, "How did I do?"  
Catherine smiled and squeezed his hand, "Great! The crowd sure did love you!"  
"That's good."  
Suddenly, the curtain to the dressing room opened and Duo came in or more like barged in. "Hey, Trowa!"  
Trowa turned and looked at him.  
"It is you, Trowa. Hey!"  
Catherine did not like this man and she refused to let him come in here like this, "Excuse me!"  
But Duo did not listen, he grabbed Trowa and shook him, "So you were here. Where are the others? How's Heero? Isn't he with you."  
Trowa turned his head away, not knowing this man or what he was talking about, "Uh"  
Duo let him go, confused, "Trowa?"  
Catherine moved in front of Duo, shielding her brother from him, "Get out?"  
Duo looked around, confused, something was wrong, something he didn't know about, "Huh?"  
"You must be an old acquaintance from his past, but Trowa's not going to be doing any more fighting." Catherine stated and pointed towards the door, indicating that he should leave.  
Duo gazed at Trowa again who still looked away, "Trowa, what's gotten into you anyways?! What the hell is going on?!"  
Catherine pointed again, "Get out of here! Just leave us."  
Duo looked at Catherine and then at Trowa and still didn't understand what exactly appeared to be going on. He knew Trowa but Trowa did not know him. He turned to go out, "Trowa" he said and left, the curtain falling into place behind him. 

***** 

Back on the space satellite, Quatre sat up on his bed, alone and awake. He felt slightly better, only a little exhausted after speaking to Ania. He did not want to think of Trowa anymore tonight. He just wanted to sleep.  
His stomach rumbled and he remembered he hadn't eaten anything since earlier that morning; only he didn't feel like eating anything right now.  
Quatre got up and walked over to his piano. He lifted the lid and put his hands to the keys and played a tune he and Trowa played together. But the emotion was all too much for him and he began to cry again, "Trowa, I did this to you. I'm so sorry, Trowa."  
He felt asleep soon after from his emotional exhaustion, his head lightly resting on the piano keys. 

***** 

The next morning, bright and early, Hilde had Duo doing some paperwork for her. A red cap hid her black hair and she had covered her blue eyes with her hand while she studied the papers she held. She looked up to see Duo, lazily sitting back in his chair staring off into space.  
"Duo?"  
Duo looked at her and sat up startled, "Huh? Oh sorry, I'm done with my filing stuff."  
Hilde shook her head, staring at him, "Duo, you're still thinking of that guy aren't you?"  
His eyes filled with certain sadness. Duo looked down at the floor, "MmmHmm, it's just depressing to think that that could have happened to a fellow Gundam Pilot and I've been wondering what's gonna happen to the colonies too. Does kinda make you think."  
"Why are you getting so depressed about it?" She demanded.  
"Hmm?"  
"You're going to live the life you believe in, right?! That's what you told me yourself."  
"Yeah, that's right." Duo stood up and stretched, "Well, maybe I should start by finding a decent job."  
Hilde bent over her computer again and tapped a few buttons. She scanned a page that came up. "Look, here's a new job. They're looking for mobile suite workers at a natural resource satellite."   
She frowned, "Huh?"  
Duo stepped behind her and gazed at the screen over her shoulder, "What is it?"  
"Look, the satellite belongs to the Winner family!" She exclaimed, pointing at the screen.  
"The Winner Family?" Duo asked, puzzled.  
Hilde's eyes went blank as she remembered what she heard, "I heard that all operations have been suspended indefinitely ever since the owner was destroyed."  
"Then it can only mean one thing!" Duo smiled, his eyes shining big and bright, "The son of the family's back!"  
He turned his back and started for door.  
"Duo, where are you going" Hilde asked, staring at him, "I thought you were looking for a job."  
Without turning back or stopping, Duo said, "There's plenty of time to look for jobs later, I have a few phone calls to make. I'm going to visit an old friend."  
Hilde shook her head as he disappeared out the door. 

***** 

Ania shuffled her papers for the third time, trying to make sense of the current shipping order for the colony nearest to them. The colony asked for something the satellite didn't have and she didn't know how to tell them. The job only succeeded in stressing her out and she didn't quite understand why her sisters had given a fourteen year old this particular one.   
Her comm buzzed, "Yes, Gerald, what is it?"  
The picture on the screen popped on to show the face of Gerald, one of the communications officers for the Satellite, "I have a gentleman on the line for Master Quatre, but he's not answering his comm. The Gentleman says it's urgent."  
Ania's curiosity peaked, "Okay, put him through."  
"Doing so now."  
The picture on the screen changed to reveal a handsome young man with bright and beautiful cobalt blue eyes. He smiled at her and brushed the fringe of his brown hair away from his face, obviously a bit embarrassed at seeing her there, rather than Quatre.  
"Good Afternoon, Sir, My name is Ania Winner. Quatre, my brother, is unavailable at this moment. Is there anything I can help you with?"  
The young man turned his head slightly and she could see the long braid trailing down his back, "The name's Duo Maxwell. I'm an old friend of Quatre's. I'm just wondering if it's possible if I could drop by to see him."  
Ania smiled at him, "Yes, that would be fine. Quatre, I'm sure, would love to see you. He's been a bit under the weather lately, and I believe he could use a friendly face around here. I'll let him know that you'll be arriving."  
Duo shook his head, "If he doesn't know I'm coming yet, then please don't tell him. I'd like it to be a surprise. It's been sometime since we crossed paths."  
"Alright then, I shall be there to meet you when you arrive." Ania checked over the docking logs, "Two hours at docking port seven."  
He saluted Ania with a smile and broke the communication.  
She leaned back and crossed her arms, thinking. She had never seen this man before but she had an inkling that it was another Pilot, like Quatre himself. It would certainly be interesting meeting him when he arrived. She shrugged off the thought and returned to her paper shuffling. 

***** 

Duo shut down the control systems of the ship he piloted as the docking port doors closed, shutting him inside and space outside. Looking out the window of the pilot seat, he noticed the girl arrive in the port as the docking doors slammed shut with a crash. He ran his fingers through his hair, opened the shuttle doors and stepped out.  
Ania, Quatre's sister, walked toward him, her hand outstretched as a friendly gesture and said, "Welcome, Mr. Maxwell."  
He took her hand and gave it a firm shake. This girl was quite striking, though obviously younger and resembled Quatre in the uncanniest way. But she had a genuine smile, and Duo knew that he had made the right choice in speaking to her.  
He said, "Thank you, Miss Winner."  
"Please, call me Ania." She said with a smile. "I'm too young for such titles."  
"So this is where Quatre has holed himself up." Duo said, looking around as they stepped out of the docking port, "Pretty posh."  
Ania shook her head, "It's been difficult since our father died, but we have managed."  
"Yes, I heard about that." Duo said, "I'm sorry for your loss."  
"Thank you, but it's truly not necessary. I do hope that you may breath some life back into Quatre's eyes. He has been so sad recently and it's difficult getting him out of his rooms to help us with the satellite. He is out now but should be returning soon." Ania pointed to a place where Duo could sit down. "Please, sit down and relax. Quatre will be along shortly."  
Duo flopped into the chair and sat back and watched her as she left the room." 

***** 

The ever-confident Duo sat there for what felt like an eternity, conflicting thoughts going through his head wondering whether or not he should be here at all. Hilde would laugh if she knew that he suffered from nervousness.   
Some voices drifted up from nearby and Duo recognized the boyish voice of his long-time friend. They were arguing about something.  
"Alright, I'll leave the rest," Quatre stated to the man walking next to him.  
The man replied, "Okay, then that's done"  
Duo jumped up, "Nice dig!"  
Startled, Quatre looked up from the papers he carried, "Huh?"  
Duo turned around to face him, "Yo, Quatre, how ya been?"  
Quatre stood stunned for a moment and then realized what had happened. A grin broke across his face, his bright eyes widening with recognition. "DUO!"  
Quatre launched himself at Duo, throwing himself into the arms of his friend. Duo laughed, and put his arms around Quatre. Tears shined on both their happy faces, a moment to remember for both of them.  
Letting him go and holding him at arm's length, Quatre pummeled him with questions, "When did you get here? How did you find me? Where's Heero? Where's Wufei? How are you? Where have you been?"  
Duo laughed and grasped the blonde boy again, "All in good time, Quatre, come on, find us a place and we can talk." 

***** 

Back in his room, finally calming his joyous reverie, Quatre set out coffee for them.  
Staring out the window, Duo studied the landscape of the Satellite and the surrounding space, "What an impressive building! Your family's really something. This is all yours now, right?"  
Quatre picked up his coffee cup and took a sip, "No, not yet. My sisters are managing all the assets of the corporation right now. As far as anyone else knows, I'm missing."  
Duo didn't turn around, "Because you're a Gundam pilot? Quatre, where were you, anyway?  
"On the Earth. I went with Heero, to figure out what we should be doing right now."  
"So, did you come up with anything?" Duo asked, turning away from the window and looking at him.  
"I think we've gotta fight." Quatre replied, nodding. "That's why I've been looking for you guys. There are lots of kind people on Earth, Duo, and the same is true for the colonies. I want help build a world where everyone can live in peace."  
He turned his head to stare out at the space, "I want to protect the total pacifism upheld by the Cinq Kingdom."  
"Total pacifism? Do you really think such a world is possible?  
"Duo?"  
A bitter note flooded Duo's voice as he moved away from the window to lean against the wall opposite the chair where Quatre sat. "I've been fighting for the colonies all this time. They should leave the fighting to me. I should be the only one who has to suffer as much as I did. But now the colonies have decided to start up a new war. Which means that a lot more people will end up dieing."  
Quatre leaned forward in his chair and stared into his cup of coffee. He knew Duo's words were true.  
Duo continued, "Maybe I've lost faith in what we're fighting for. In the future we dreamed about. Maybe in the end peace is just an impossible dream."  
"I made a grave mistake once," Duo looked at him, surprised at Quatre's words. "I don't expect to ever be forgiven, but I'll risk everything to show my remorse. And I'll do that by fostering my hope for peace. Because once a dream is lost, then really everything is lost"  
Duo stared at the ceiling, " You maybe right about that, although a dismal future might be more suitable for The Great Destroyer."  
He chuckled at himself, thinking it funny but Quatre looked horrified, "Duo?"  
Yawning, Duo stretched, "Well, Quatre, this place is a little to high class for me."  
Quatre set his coffee down and stared at the floor, not wanting his friend to see the sadness in his eyes. He didn't want Duo to leave so soon.  
"I'll see ya around, Buddy-boy!" Duo waved to him and turned and walked towards the door, but stopped before reaching it. Without looking back, he said, "If you're really gonna keep looking for the Gundam pilots, you'd probably want to see him, too."  
For the second time that day, Quatre jumped up, stunned almost beyond words, "Duo? Do you mean?"  
The braided pilot looked at him, and held out his hand, which contained a piece of paper with the information he knew Quatre wanted. Quatre took the paper, and Duo turned and walked away without looking back, the other man not even realizing that he had gone. 

***** 

"Leaving us so soon, Mr. Maxwell?" A familiar female voice asked him as he reached the docking port doors.  
Hunched down, coat pulled up tight around his neck, he turned around and stared into the face of Ania Winner, "Yeah, thanks for letting me visit. It's a swell place."  
Ania smiled, "Thank you for visiting. I just saw Quatre a moment ago and it seems you have brought him the information that he's been searching for."  
Duo shrugged, "I may have given the information, but it's not what it seems."  
"Either way, you have done some good, Mr. Maxwell. You are welcome here any day. I hope that you visit again."  
"Look after Quatre, will ya, Ania. He needs it." And leaving her behind without so much as a smile or a nod, Duo proceeded into the docking port and the doors closed behind him.  
This man puzzled Ania. He certainly had strangeness about him. Leaving Duo behind, her thoughts drifted back to Trowa, the mysterious man she barely knew who made her heart flutter with some unknown feeling. She only hoped now that the information that Duo brought for Quatre would calm her brother's mind and soul. 

***** 

Sunlight shined down on the brightly colored circus flags and tents. Animals and their cages as well as performer trailers littered the ground around the circus tents, but no day could be more perfect for the last show. A young blonde man plodded cautiously towards the largest tent.  
Quatre stopped and looked around before entering the grounds. He gazed at the slip of paper he held in his hands. "He's here?"  
"Okay, Okay, I'll go get your food."  
Brushing a lock of hair out of his eyes, Quatre turned his head toward the familiar sound. Another man, his age, petted and talked softly to a lion in a nearby cage.  
"Trowa?"  
The man with the brown hair stood up and turned towards Quatre.   
Fresh tears, though this time full of joy, welled up in Quatre's bright blue eyes, "Oh Trowa! It's really you."  
"Who are you?" Asked Trowa, a puzzled look crossing his handsome face.  
"Trowa?"  
"I'm sorry, do you know me or something?"  
Holding out a hand, Quatre moved towards him, "What? Don't you recognize me?"  
Suddenly, a loud crash startled both of them out of their moment as a bucket fell to the ground. Both of them looked over to see Catherine standing in the open flap of the tent, a horrified look on her face. "TROWA! GET BACK TO THE TENT."  
"Yeah, sure, but Sis" He motioned toward the lions in the cage behind him.  
Quatre shifted his gaze from one to the other, "Sis?"  
"GET GOING!" Catherine screamed at Trowa. They stared at each other for a moment and she took a big calming breath, "I'll look after feeding the animals, you go and help the manager, okay?"  
Trowa turned away from them both, "k."  
Without a moment to spare, Quatre took off after Trowa, "Wait!"  
Catherine was going to have none of it and stepped in front of him, "Why'd you come here? Are you planning on taking him out to fight again?"  
"Who are you?"  
"Trowa's like my brother, be belongs with us."  
"But Trowa's" Quatre said, alluding to Trowa's former life as a pilot.  
"I can't bear to see him suffer anymore than he already has. He's lost his memories of the past, because they're too painful for him. He doesn't want to remember!" Catherine said, her eyes glazing over with tears.  
Quatre listened to her painful words, the agony of what he had done now come to its full realization, "It's my fault, its all my fault. And I'm truly sorry. Trowa sacrificed himself to correct a mistake that I had made myself. I know apologizing won't fix things, but I really am sorry."  
"If that's the way you feel just leave him alone. Trowa's a lot happier now being here at the circus with us." Catherine spun on her heal and left him standing there.  
Quatre turned away from the circus and it's performers and ran. Some distance away he dropped to his knees and sobbed, his body, mind and soul overcome with sorrow. His first meeting with Trowa had gone awry. "TrowaI'm so sorry." 

***** 

Meanwhile, in the shadows of the tent, Trowa clutched his head, overcome with a soul-shattering headache. "Whois thatI knowI know that guyI met him before?!?" 

***** 

Catherine did not notice Trowa's state of shock or pain as she happily went about her pre-show duties. This was their last night on this colony and then they would be somewhere else, somewhere away from those people who wouldn't leave Trowa alone and caused him SO much pain.  
The tent flap opened and the ring master stepped in, greeting them with a bright smile, "Catherine, Trowa, we've got a great crowd today. So give it all you've got!"  
She turned around to face him, a bright smile on her face and her hands on her hips, "Leave it to us! We'll give them a performance they won't forget for the rest of their lives. Right, Trowa?"  
Trowa did not respond.  
"Trowa?"  
He sat there, a blank expression covering his face, shaking uncontrollably, the headache pounding in his head, "I'm coldand I'm scaredsomething's coming."  
Catherine dropped down next to him and gathered him into her arms, trying to calm his shaking body, "There, there, its all right. I'm here by your side."  
"Thanks, Cathie." Trowa said, staring into her eyes. But it still did not stop the aching in his head or the trembling coming from the rest of his body.  
Headache or no, Trowa knew what he had to do. He pulled himself out of Catherine's arms and stood up, discarding his costume and changing into his normal street clothes.  
"Trowa?" Catherine sat there and watched him, "Where are you going?"  
"He's calling me."  
She shook her head, confused by his words, "I don't hear anybody."  
"I know, but he's crying. I can tell from here." Trowa said as he picked up the discarded pieces of his costume and put them in the costume trunk.  
"You can't! You went through so much pain the last time. Are you really planning to fight again? How many people have to be sacrificed before this ends? I don't want to lose any more people who are important to me. I just couldn't stand it." Catherine buried her face in her hands and shook with her sobbing. "Please, no more."  
Trowa knelt down beside her and took her hands. Brushing a tear away from her eye, he said, "No need to cry, Cathie. I'll protect you myself. I have a faint memory of somebody once telling that the only way for anyone to live a good life is to act on their emotions."  
She pulled away from him and slapped him across the face, "You're gonna go, no matter what! You're so stubborn. That side of you hasn't changed one bit."  
Standing up, Trowa turned away from her and opened the tent flap, "I promise, I'll come back alive, Cathie."  
But Catherine could only sit there and cry as the tent flap closed behind him, "You're nuts. I really mean it." 

***** 

Quatre had not left the colony that contained Trowa's circus. He didn't want to go home yet and face Ania's questions or answer any calls from Duo, if any were to come in. He doubted it.   
Painful as it felt, sitting on the hard ground helped Quatre feel more alive than he had felt in days. He shielded his eyes from the setting sun, not that he cared much anymore if he went blind or if he died. He'd failed and it tore him apart. Though, if not Trowa, there were others who cared if he lived or if he died. Ania crossed his mind. Yes, his beloved only little sister cared deeply about him, and he about her. Life would go on, though there would always be that empty spot in his heart that could never be filled.  
He just didn't understand. Trowa didn't know him at all. Not even one hint of recognition had crossed the face of the man that had once been his best friend. Quatre shrugged. His eyes were dry, there were no tears left in his heart.  
He turned and stared at the transport ship next to him, thinking he might just as well go home, or at the very least, go somewhere for something to do.  
"How long have you been sitting there like that?"  
Quatre did not turn to the voice. He did not move at all. He just closed his eyes. "I am hallucinating, aren't I?"  
"If you are, then I must be to."  
"Trowa, please don't do this to me. I know you haven't any idea who I am." Quatre said, his eyes still closed, his back to the other man. "Please, I don't think I can bear any more pain."  
The voice of Trowa stayed where it was, "How am I ever supposed to remember who you are if I don't ever get the chance to speak to you again. I remember I know you, but I don't know from where. I'm asking you to help me. Help me find my memories. Catherine wants to shelter me from the pain from the past, but if I do, I won't ever be whole again."  
Something in Quatre broke down, and he turned to face Trowa. They stared at each other, blue eyes facing green. A battle of heavy emotion passed between the two of them.  
Trowa's hand flew up and he clutched his head and screamed, his legs collapsing beneath him. In a flash, Quatre was there next to him, grabbing him before he could hit the ground. He gently lowered Trowa to the ground, holding tightly to him and the brown haired pilot writhed and trembled with some pain unknown to Quatre.  
"Oh god, my head! I feel like my head is going to explode."  
Trowa's body violently jerked once and went limp in Quatre's arms, but Quatre didn't let him go. Alarmed, the Arab shook him, "Trowa, don't do this. Speak to me."  
Trowa opened his eyes, only a faint throbbing in his head. Some of his memories had returned in an almost violent way, triggered by the fact that he had not given up on the fact that he had recognized Quatre. Catherine had been wrong; he had followed the right path.  
Recognition filled his eyes, and he smiled at Quatre who still looked small and frightened by the reactions Trowa had to his returning memories. Quatre smiled back as he helped Trowa into a sitting position.  
"You had me worried there for a moment."  
Trowa rolled his eyes, "Like I was expecting that to happen."  
"I know, but" Quatre stopped and stared at his friend sitting there in front of him. "Trowawhat happened before, with me and Zero and stuff. I'm sorry, Trowa, I wanted to save you, but I couldn't. Heero wouldn't let me. I wanted to go after you and then you disappeared and I couldn't find you. I've been looking for you"  
"Shh" Trowa reached up and wiped a tear from Quatre's eye. "It's over now, Quatre. We don't have to worry about it anymore. You helping me find my memories were apology enough. They aren't all there yet, but this is a start and we'll work together on finding the rest. Will you help me, Quatre?"  
"You're my best friend, Trowa. I missed you! Do you honestly think that I'm going to let you go again?" Quatre pulled the other man to him, embracing him into a long needed hug.  
"Let's go home." Quatre said, letting Trowa go.  
"Who's home?"  
"Mine."  
Trowa could only laugh. 

****** 

Back on his own colony, Duo sat in the hangar that contained his beloved Gundam, Deathscythe. He stared up at the gargantuan machine and said to himself, "I wonder if Quatre got to see Trowa"  



End file.
